SEQUIM, WA—In a speech delivered to supporters addressing the end of his presidential campaign, Washington Governor Jay Inslee announced Thursday that there was “no need to worry,” because he would always be here to fight climate change before ethereally transforming into a majestic oak. “Although today marks the conclusion of my 2020 presidential bid, I want all of you to know that my wisdom will forever be in the soil of this magnificent grove and my hope will be in the sky above,” said Inslee at a press conference held deep in the Olympic National Forest as he vanished in...
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